Living with Image

Day 15 of the Blog a Day. Every felt like you had to live up to an expectation you didn't even know that people have? First off I would just like to say, that I have some truly great friends, and seeing and hanging out with people you have not seen in a long time really reminds you how cool you really are. See I ALWAYS think my friends are cool, and wish I could spend more time with them. So when I spend time with them and the love overflows back? Makes me feel special.

On to the topic at hand though. Went to two parties last night and ran into two instances of battling my personal identity. Since High School I have always been that guy that has some nickname or another, and for the most part I sometimes don't hear my own name (Jeff) when someone calls it from across the room. For the last 9 years I have been known as Farley. It was weird to get used to at first, but you start hearing it enough it sticks with you. To the point where you don't even flinch when you tell someone's parents that your name is Farley. The great part about a nickname though is that you can almost be someone else while being yourself. Sure Farley and Jeff are the same person, but Farley was more of who I was in the moment for many years, while Jeff was the guy I thought did not have much to offer the world. It's almost like when someone wears a mask or drinks to be social. I would literally become this gregarious, over the top, drinking, being lewd, loud, obnoxious, and fun "character" who would do ANYTHING. Like working a night club the night before Christmas and just tearing the place down with antics and fun, and then on Christmas being the youngest in the family and only boy. Like Superman and Clark Kent.

Well with me having less and less exposure in Radio the last few years I have been struggling with my personal identity. When I would work at a new job and meet someone new, was I Jeff or was I Farley? There the same person in my mind, but how professional is it to be called Farley? You know what I mean? So the first party I was at last night was for my good friend Tiffany and there was a bunch of young kids there that I have never met. I went to introduce myself as Jeff to one cute girl and someone else walks up and says "Jeff? Your fucking Farley!" She replied "Oh my God. Your Farley? I've heard about you. (coyly) Hi." While that reaction is awesome, my reaction is "What the fuck have you heard?!" What do I have to live up to or live down? The second instance was at Noel's birthday at Dave & Busters. I was meeting a girls boyfriend that I have never met, and went to introduce myself as Jeff. If at first you don't succeed....Well the gal says "Jeff? Your Farley." To which my new best friend the boyfriend replies, "Oh shit?! Your the guy who was in that menage a three or whatever! Your a legend!" Menage a trois not with standing, I have to wonder if this guy was messing with me or is there really a story out there about me in a threesome. I mean there is a story out there like that, but not with this particular group of friends. Basically my point is that as I am transitioning my life from Radio into whatever it is I may be doing next in my life, I find myself constantly battling the perceptions of who I am and who I want to be. As to the menage a trois story? What happens in Vegas when I am close to blacked out drunk, stays in Vegas.